A Black Woman Surviving Rape: Jan 22, 2013

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The anguish I feel tears at my soul Life at times is so cripplingly bad there is hatred everywhere cruel lives attack those who live for the joy of simply living. their lives are destroyed in a blink of time with acts of such horror and unthoughtful malice that to think of them makes the stoutest heart shudder and the strongest man cry A life so awful cannot be born alone in solitude with only thoughts to pass the time it must be shared or worse will follow

I don’t really know how I’m feeling totally but I know that my heart hurts a lot and I feel sad. Then I start thinking about how many of us are walking around pretending to be happy just to survive. How many tears are we holding back every day in the car hoping no one sees that one tear fall from your eyes but you’re hoping that someone does see so that you can tell them what’s wrong. How many of us have been beaten? Molested? Raped? Stays in abusive relationships? How many people have to deal with family members who have betrayed them? Mothers who have completely turned their backs on their children and aren’t bothered by it?

It’s a really sad reality of how many of our stories are really the same. If only we came out and actually said how we truly feel stead of holding on the pain because you’re too scared to let go. You’re too scared of failing but too damn numb to feel any pain.

People aren’t supposed to hurt like this all the time. I've just been doing so much thinking about everything lately….. To be honest my dad is none of the topics I talk about. I don’t really like to talk about that much. It hurts way too much especially know that on my birthday would make it a year since he’s been in a coma and brain dead. I don’t care too much for anything anymore. Not my birthday, holidays, every day is really hard for me right now. I think I’m handling everything ok, some days I’m just not sure.

Mrs. Golden Rays

My name is Golden Rays, I am a survivor of molestation, domestic violence and multiple rapes which has led to Vaginismus. Vaginismus is a condition where intercourse is extremely painful and sometimes impossible. I advocate for other victims of sexual assault to spread the awareness of the problem. It is an epidemic and no one is doing anything about it. It is said that 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys will be assaulted before the age of 18. In the United States every 2 minutes another woman is raped. The myths behind rape are so damaging, especially when people actually believe in it. Most rapes aren’t reported. Most rapes do not go to trial. Majority of acquaintance and date rapes are committed by men the victim know and they are the hardest to prosecute because often times it’s the woman’s word against the mans. A lot of acquaintance and date rapes involve alcohol and drugs and NO it’s NOT THE VICTIMS FAULT. Ever

I am also the daughter of a Malignant Narcissistic Mother, Narcissistic Sister and Enabling Father. I’m also a survivor of a Malignant Narcissistic Mother. For those of you who don’t know Narcissism is a personality disorder that few people don’t recognize and don’t understand. People who suffer from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) are like vampires (or parasites). They use you to suck the life out of you. Most victims don’t notice anything wrong because of how it can be undetected. They are very manipulative people who will do anything possible to gain control of you. If you happen to hear of one, run fast the other day. The effects of this disorder on the victim are very deadly.

I’m writing this blog because I’m tired of holding my feelings in without people asking me if I’m ok. I’m writing this blog because even though I am a survivor of all the things listed above, I am also a black woman. When I went to find people to talk to about my past, I couldn’t find one black woman who was willing and open enough to talk about the secretes that we hide. We are dying; we are killing ourselves by keeping pain inside. This blog isn’t just for black women but it’s intended to be directed towards them.