Saturday, August 4, 2012

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse, rape, or sexual assault often have to see their abusers after their attacks. Sexual violence is frequently committed by people we know—within our family, school, work, church, or any other community environment. However we know our abusers, we cannot always avoid interacting with them.

So I’m at home and watching TV with my daughter, my ex-husband is outside  and he comes back in and asks me who J is (I’m not going to post his whole name) and I ask him what does he look like. So he tells me
What he looks like and that he was looking for my mom. It was the boy who molested me and other kids in my neighborhood when I was 5. My whole body froze and I felt like I had to throw up. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a feeling like that before

Like I really do feel so sick to my stomach. In that short period of time when my husband said my name I was hoping that it was my best friend that I went to school with because they both have the same first name. Like I really don’t know how I’m feeling but my anxiety is up and I feel like I’m going to throw up. Everything that he did to me flashed back in my head and I froze. I felt like I had stopped breathing and the only thing I kept saying to my husband was I don’t want to talk about it, I’ll tell you later. He handled it but I guess fear just over took my body and I’m just still in shock. My anxiety is high, my hands are still shaking and then I thought about my daughter and how innocent she is and how I would never want her to go through what I’m dealing with right now.

I just had to get that out, I couldn’t hold on to it anymore….