Saturday, August 11, 2012

It is important to note that Vaginismus is not triggered deliberately or intentionally by women. Vaginismus has a variety of causes, often in response to a combination of physical or emotional factors. Despite the fact that Vaginismus is involuntary and can strike any woman, many women feel intense shame from being unable to have intercourse and keep their pain private, feeling uncomfortable sharing their secret with anyone.

Its 4am and I can’t sleep at all. I’ve had Vaginismus since I was 19 from multiple assaults. It’s always bothered me to the point my anxiety goes through the roof and I start having panic attacks from thoughts about the rapes. Things have gotten a little better but I feel like the stress from my life, therapy, dealing with my dad dying and trying to be a mom are messing with me emotionally. I started getting really emotional about this last week. The stress is getting so bad now that for the past two months I’ve been having my period a week earlier. Like I can feel my body getting weaker every day. I don’t have an appetite anymore; I’m restless when I try to get to sleep but most nights I only get 2 to 4 hours.

So when I usually have my period I use tampons and I think it might just be my nerves but they hurt when I put them in and I can feel them inside me and I start to freak out and remember how it felt when I was raped. Then I feel dirty I still feel bad. I get antsy and nervous and just feel like breaking down and crying.