Cause the only love you knew was neglect and abuse, But it didn’t matter what it was cause it was still love to you. Didn’t matter what he did, Cause he was still kissing and hugging you. Call you bitch, hoe, and slut, But he still rubbing and touching you. And the way that you grew up, This is what loved ones would do.

Ugh………so not feeling good right now. This whole week it feels like my body is off balance. Like I just feel dirty and so violated right now. I hate being on my period, there’s nothing that I like about it especially the bleeding part of it. I feel like there are 1 million hands moving all over my body at the same time. I had just looked down at my nails and almost threw up because I felt so disgusted by them. I wish I had peace of mind right now. My stomach is upset. God I used to hate wearing sanitary napkins when I was in high school. The sight of blood never used to gross me out or anything like that until I met Frank and he would never rape me when I was on my period thank god but he would touch my vagina and it always turned my stomach because I still has the sanitary pad on.

Being on my period just triggers it every time for me and I just want to cry about it. Something natural as having a period every month just makes me disgusted with my own body. I had the same problem after I had my daughter and you bleed 6 weeks after you have a baby and can’t use tampons. Wearing pads then turned my stomach. the only things that were going through my head was how nasty I felt when he kept touching me and I’m just not really feeling anything right now but pain, tears and hurt and I just want it to stop before I go to work. I’m excited about going to work but I just don’t like the way I’m feeling right now………

I know what you're going through, your heartaches are visible, your tears are still real, and your world has still been left cold. You want to cry, but deep down inside you try, to hold it all together. You wish you could just reach out, and hug your loved on once more, but realize it is all a dream. You want to shout

In a corner she sits,

head held between her knees,

her wounds are invisible

to the naked eye,

they are deep,

so deep,

her mind is poisoned,

her actions affected....

As her mind opens up

in the palm of her hand,

the mask she wears slips

from the tears falling,

tears flowing freely

between the memories,

the disappointments,

the tragedy, the love

she feels no more.

Crimson words pour

freely, and stain the

walls and floor, as she

sits untouched....

Today has been such an emotional day for me I don’t even know where to begin. Well for the past two days I’ve just been feeling down. Not depressed or anything but just feeling down and sad. Well one of those things that were bothering me was my dad, I miss him so much. We took him off of life support almost 3 weeks ago but he hasn’t let go yet. He’s breathing on his own but he still has no brain function so it’s not like he’s going to wake up and come back. He’s gone but just lingering around and that has been a little tough for me to deal with. Another thing is just stress with what’s going on at home but some of that has been fixed today so I can let that go.