Unfortunately, even if you have got your mind around the trauma, your body has a memory of its own. Many women report having episodes where they involuntarily cringe when a loved one touches them and many more report problems when actually having intercourse. Vaginal dryness, a muscle tensing, or the impression of leaving one's body during sex are all common for somebody who been sexually abused. It is going to take time to get past all of this and an extremely patient partner.

I’m having really bad body memories right now. I don’t really have an appetite anymore, I have to force myself to eat everyday which kind of sucks. I just don’t feel like eating. Like I have this horrible taste in my mouth and I was actually kind of hoping that his Dr. Pepper would take it out but it’s not working.

I’m feeling kind of sad and really emotional and I just want to cry. I wanted to cry on my way to work yesterday. Like my body doesn’t even feel like it belongs to me now. It feels like it’s theirs, like I never had my body after I was 6 years old. Someone else was always touching me and hurting me that I don’t even know what my own body feels like. I don’t know what I like to a certain point and it’s really frustrating.

It’s like hands all over my body and I can smell Banky and Frank and it just turns my stomach. I had accidentally put on exclamation perfume (I was wearing it when I was raped and I only wear it around my husband. So I went into work yesterday and my coworkers told me I smelled like a baby and I couldn’t figure out why and I thought it was because of my daughter and her things. I had put on a little bit of lotion on her but it wasn’t that. As soon as I got off from work it clicked in my head and it had triggered me because Franklin used to tell me that all the time when I wore it with him and my stomach just turned over and I just felt so sick and disgusted.

Like it’s to the point right now, with the body memories and how I’m feeling that I don’t want to be touched at all, and it’s been like years since I've felt this strong about it. I don’t want anyone touching me or anyone looking at me. I can feel my senses getting stronger and my body just feels like it’s on aren’t right now and that’s also kind of hard to deal with. Like I can feel the hair on the back of my neck standing up right now.

Cause the only love you knew was neglect and abuse, But it didn’t matter what it was cause it was still love to you. Didn’t matter what he did, Cause he was still kissing and hugging you. Call you bitch, hoe, and slut, But he still rubbing and touching you. And the way that you grew up, This is what loved ones would do.

Ugh………so not feeling good right now. This whole week it feels like my body is off balance. Like I just feel dirty and so violated right now. I hate being on my period, there’s nothing that I like about it especially the bleeding part of it. I feel like there are 1 million hands moving all over my body at the same time. I had just looked down at my nails and almost threw up because I felt so disgusted by them. I wish I had peace of mind right now. My stomach is upset. God I used to hate wearing sanitary napkins when I was in high school. The sight of blood never used to gross me out or anything like that until I met Frank and he would never rape me when I was on my period thank god but he would touch my vagina and it always turned my stomach because I still has the sanitary pad on.

Being on my period just triggers it every time for me and I just want to cry about it. Something natural as having a period every month just makes me disgusted with my own body. I had the same problem after I had my daughter and you bleed 6 weeks after you have a baby and can’t use tampons. Wearing pads then turned my stomach. the only things that were going through my head was how nasty I felt when he kept touching me and I’m just not really feeling anything right now but pain, tears and hurt and I just want it to stop before I go to work. I’m excited about going to work but I just don’t like the way I’m feeling right now………