These women aren’t victims; they are serving their child up in a sexual sacrifice in order to keep their home and their man. The woman, who would not allow her little girl to play with my neighbor, is also no victim. She is the typical person who “doesn’t want to get involved with that kind of thing” and considers the child as the dirty one, and not to be played with.

I can’t wait to move out of here. It makes me sick to my stomach staying here. Every morning I wake up feeling like I’m sick to my stomach. I’m still in school how my NM allowed her son (a pedophile) move into the house with her granddaughter. My daughter is with me 100% always but I still don’t understand any of it.

I've never met such a more selfish person in my life. To choose an adult who you know for sure has done these things over your grandchild. Yeah its official, you were never a mother to begin with, just someone my father had sex with. I don’t believe in putting down people at all but my NM makes me sick.

I now understand that she knew I was being molested and she knew the person who did it. My NS told me last year how both her and NM knew I was molested and they knew the boy who did it. It didn’t click in my head then but it did a couple of weeks ago. I was thinking about how I was acting after it happened. I would cry all the time in school and no one wanted to play with me but the only person who wanted to play with me was the boy who molested me and my teachers made me be nice to him and play with him which only made me cry more in elementary school. I started not doing my homework and not paying attention, I had to go to speech therapy because I couldn’t say certain words after I was molested. They put me in the slower classes because they thought I wasn’t catching on to things, my grades went down a lot and I was having behavior problems so when I would get home from school I was punished.  NM would always ask me what the hell was going on with me, how I need to get my act together or I won’t have any toys for Christmas or I won’t be allowed to play outside with my friends.

Her threats didn’t really do much, she had already threatened to chop off my hair when I was 5 so anything she said after I just ignored. I would take things from my neighbor’s house hoping my mom would ask me if anyone was touching me again but she never did. Then she put me on a diet. I would eat so much in elementary school all the time. I still wasn’t overweight but she thought I was fat and needed to lose weight.

I don’t understand how a child can go up to their mother and tell them what’s wrong with them and what’s bothering them and the mother gives no response back. She never answered my letters I wrote her, she never came to me even after I came to her and tried to talk about it; she just shut me out and basically wiped her hands clean of me. I remember the look on her face when she did it. I was 17 and had already been in the abusive relationship with Frank and had been raped by him more times than I can ever count and she just didn’t give a damn.

She let Justin come over to our house even after she knew he was the one who molested me; she still let him come over and made me play with him. After I was in high school I decided I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I got tired of being forced to play with the boy who hurt me so I stopped. Of course I got cussed out by my mother and father for not playing with him and hurting his feelings. FUCK HIS FEELINGS he hurt my vagina and my butt. I don’t give a fuck about his feelings. NM does give a damn about what happens to me or my daughter, that is so evident now but it’s also the saddest thing ever.

My “mother” wants nothing to do with me unless I bow down to her and make her happy. What child should have to live a life like that? This has me thinking about who I can turn to as a role model (female). I don’t look up to my NM and my father isn’t here anymore but then he sided with her no matter what the situation was. I’m not close to my NS because she’s turned into a younger version of my NM.

My NM didn’t protect me from being molested; she didn’t care what happened to me. And she doesn’t care about her granddaughter. This is the most devastating thing that could ever happen (her son moving into the house).  This was my breaking point, everyone has a limit that they can be pushed to and this is it. I made a promise to myself when I got pregnant that I would do everything in my power to prevent my daughter from having to go through what I went through as a child. Like how in the hell could you let a damn pedophile move into your house, start his own business in your basement without a license and have different people in your house that you don’t know all hours of the night?

I’m just so beyond sick of dealing with this bullshit. I never wanted to move back to this fuckin hell hole to begin with and again no one fuckin listened to me when I bitched and cried about it until now. And guess what it’s too late now. No one took me seriously when I said my mother treats me the way she does. 26 years I've been dealing with this shit and I just don’t want to do it anymore. I’m lonely and I feel like I’m going through this alone. Like everything is piling up just to see how much I can hold at one time. Every night I just feel like crying my eyes out. The lonely feeling that I have, I can’t explain but I feel like I’m walking through this by myself and all I can’t is to be held, for someone to just tell me that everything is going to be ok,  I just want everything to be ok. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this without breaking down. I’m staying strong, I’m trying to be strong but I can’t do it forever. Mentally and emotionally it’s draining the life out of me. It’s a constant battle in fighting on top of everything else that I’m dealing with right now.

I started my period almost a week early because of all the stress. I didn’t pms at all so that whole angry part of me that I usually get out is still inside except now I just feel so emotionally and vulnerable and sensitive. I just feel like I could lay down and cry my eyes out. I’m still missing my dad even more now than ever, I don’t usually get sleep at night because I’m so worried about my daughter and our living situations(moving in January) it’s just a lot that’s going through my head especially with therapy  I do have a lot of my plate right now. I’m just tired……….

I wish that you were here to celebrate together I wish that we could spend the holidays together, I remember when you used to tuck me in at night With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight. I thought you were so strong you’d make it through whatever, it’s so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever. I never knew I could hurt like this, and everyday life goes on like, “I wish I could talk to you for a while". Miss you but I try not to cry, as time goes by…….

The holidays are coming up and I’m feeling beyond sad right now. I have a lot going on with me right now. The new job is wonderful and I love it, I’m just so glad that I’m back to working again. On another note, my “brother” moved back in and were moving out. I have officially divorced my “mother”, “Sister” and “brother”. I don’t have any negative feelings at all because I really don’t care what they do anymore. Especially since you let a child molester move into the house with your granddaughter/ niece and apparently don’t have a problem with it I’m done. They are doing the things that my father didn’t want them to do and they know it. And then my “sister has the nerve to talk about our dad. So when was he our dad when you and mom decided to lie to our faces about taking him off of life support and blaming the facility? They are so full of shit that I’m just done with all of them. 

I used to wish that my mother had died instead of my father but as much as it hurts I’m kind of glad it happened this way.  My dad was the only reason why I stayed in the county and even stayed in the house because I didn’t want to leave him alone with my mother. And now it seems like now I have no reason to be here anymore. I don’t want to be around anyone who is blood related to me but my daughter. It just seems like everyone else has been infected by my Narcissistic “mother” and “sister”. This whole situation just has me thinking a lot lately. I’m starting to see that I was just a pawn in their game and that they don’t really give a damn about my daughter because if they really did, her son wouldn’t be living in the basement right now. 

The allegations against him was when he was a teenager but the whole looking at child porn incident thing I saw myself and it just makes me so uneasy and disgusted with him and more of my “mother” and “sister” to even allow it to happen. My father kicked him out the house and told us in front of him that he wasn’t allowed to live in the house ever again because of it and now look what happens.

It also has me thinking of the day that we were supposed to take my dad off of life support. We went in and my “mother” and “sister” tried to tell me that the facility had messed up and scheduled an appointment for finical aid instead of with the doctors to take him off of life support. I foolishly believed them thinking that they wouldn’t pull some shit like this but it just never made sense to me why that morning my “mother” was bringing the papers that she brought with her last time we saw the finical aid people. Her response was oh I’m bringing it just in case. In the bottom of my stomach I felt like I was going to throw up because I knew she was lying and I knew they weren’t going to take him off. As much as my dad cussed us out saying that he never wanted to be on life support, how he doesn’t want to live like this and it’s going on 9 months now. But now he’s off of life support but still on the feeding tube, he’s in a vegetative state with no brain function at all and heavily medicated and can’t move. Who wants to live like that? And yet they are walking around like nothing’s wrong. She’s telling everyone that he’s doing fine and talking about rehab. Am I stupid or can someone please explain to me how the fuck you rehabilitate someone who’s in a vegetative state?

I’m just sick and tired of dealing with them. I’m so much healthier without them in my life. I just really miss my dad a lot and the holidays are making it so much harder…..